7 Line Plays
by Anthony Proctor
Old Man: That ain't art!
Young Man: It is. It got a write up in The Guardian
Old Man: It's a shoe on top of a pile of books.
Young Man: It's framed, sort of
Old Man: I don't understand it.
Young Man: I don't think you're supposed to understand it.
Old Man: It doesn't make me feel anything
Not quite hitting the spot
Man: Yes, Yes, Yes
Woman: I said stop
Man: I'm nearly there
Woman: Well this whole 2 minuets has done nothing for me.
Bob: You know John, it seams like we have been here an awfully long time
John: We were warned. Weren't you warned? I was warned
Bob: Yes but you know, I didn't think that they were serious.
John: Would you like my chair?
Bob: No it's fine I'll lean. I mean I've leant for this long I don't suppose a few more minutes will hurt.
John: Might be hours
Bob: Hours? I don't really think that this is worth it if the wait is hours.
You'll never be King
Prince: Daddy, I'm gay
King: That's wonderful son, happiness is hard to find and you should grasp it with both hands
Price: I'd like him to spend the summer with us.
King: Him who Eddy?
Prince: My boyfriend. I'm gay and I have a boyfriend
King: Right, and what does your mother think about this?
(Enter the Queen, having overheard)
Queen: Mummy thinks that you can never have too many men about the house.
War or Terrorism?
Irishman: For God
President: For freedom
Israeli: For Country
Tribesman: For my people
Sceptic: For oil
Realist: For power
Child: For peace
Hero: I'm brave as long as I've got someone else to put in front of the danger
Politician: I'm honest as long as nobody finds out the truth
Footballer: I'm faithful because I'm not really in a committed relationship
Banker/BBC executive/Tabloid Editor: (In chorus) I'm generous with my greed
Consumer: I'm content with my insatiable hunger
Single Mother: I worry about nothing
Artist: I'm happiest when I'm in tears.
Powers: Shhhh don't wake him
Principalities: He's sleeping sound enough
Powers: Give him this
Qaphsiel: Is he ready?
Principalities: The Almighty said he is ready. Give him his gift.
Qaphsiel: Let us be sure
Powers: Here bestowed is a heavenly dream. To be used between waking and sleeping. Use it well.
Flown the nest
Gary: Can we get out of here as soon as possible
Louise: Are you ready now?
Gary: I was ready half an hour ago. Let's go. I can't bare to see her cry.
Louise: Well say good bye then
Gary: Mum, I'm going now. I will see you soon, ok.
Claire: Will you come for your tea on Sunday?
Gary: Maybe. Let me see how I settle in. I'll see you soon though.
Gladys: I'm sure I've had this one before
Margret: No you can't have, this one's brand new
Gladys: But I've see it before.
Margret: How could you have seen it before? They've only just come out.
Gladys: It's got the same pattern. I'm sure I've opened one like this before
Margret: Well get the other one then. We can compare them
Gladys: I would, but I can't for the life of me remember where I've put it.
Elton: You anal astronaut, you batty boy, you Fudge packer, nancy boy.
Oliver: You're a shirt lifting sausage jockey, Oklahomo faggot
Feddie: A bent, pansy, poof.
George: Arse bandit, Bum boy
Quentin: A Fairy, A Fruit
Ian: You disgust me you Rump Ranger
Peter: Uphill gardening's you're favourite pursuit.
In one breath
Victory: I once was alone in the desert and a man as tall as a tree approached me and said I am here to show you the way home I looked at him with a wince through the sun and I shouted as loud as my parched voice would allow I said under no circumstance am I going back to that place I will not go with you and I do not need your direction for if you give it to me I shall only go the other way and the man as tall as a tree said if you run far enough in the wrong direction you will find your way home so I stayed here in the desert hiding in the sand dunes and I knew that one day you would come. And here you are.
Jonesy: They don't get shot 'til ten fifteen.
Dirk: On the dot.
Jonsey: I want confirmation
Baz: Jonesy lad, ye don't 'ave t' do this. Yer jokin' right? Come 'ed. pleaze. Mate just think abar this.
Jonesy: Ten. Fifteen
Baz: but me kidz lad. Me kidz.
Jonesy: You should have thought about your 'kidz' before rippling me off. (To Dirk) Stop his whining and do a knee now.
My Own. Personal. Yoda. (Facebook words of inspiration from Rikki Beadke-Blair)
Rikki: Do the right thing and refuse to be tempted. Follow your soul's path and decline to be distracted. Live a strengthening life and avoid the things that weaken. Searching for short cuts wastes time - scams are soul-stealers. The swiftest way to true happiness is the hardworking road. Do the work you know is right without resentment. With effort comes wisdom. With sweat comes satisfaction. Success is built from focus and flexibility. Build yourself, be yourself. Stay young. Stay passionate. Stay free. Become the right one and the right ones will find you. Stay on the right path and the right journey will find you.
Adam: If I’d like them I’d suck their nose. Most of them had never experienced that before. It was my USP. They’d remember if we’d chat online after, I could say, I’m the one who sucked your nose and he’d say ‘ah right. Yeah. I remember.’ Then I’d make a joke about the number of men they have on their mind. And they’d laugh. Romance is dead. I’ve always known that really. When I was dating, I’d never stay over. It was a rule. There’s nothing worse than the walk of shame. Have a good time, have a shower and leave. Always. Leave my email address, run my hands through his hair and leave. Always.
Anthony: I going to write down the first seven lines of our dialogue and submit them for an art installation curated by the Everyman and Playhouse Theatre and LIPA
Timothy: That's the most romantic thing someone has ever said to me.
Anthony: It's true!
Timothy: We better make them good then
Anthony: Na, I doubt anyone will read this one
Timothy: Why's that?
Anthony: I don't know, who wants to read about my blind dates? Would you like a latte or a cappuccino?
Business Man: (pulling up his trousers) I'm so sorry, I'm running late and my maps app has broken.
Office worker: It's ok would you make it in the next half an hour (gestures for the secretary to resume sexual actions under the table) or would you like to reschedule.
Business man: if the traffic is good, I'll make it
Office worker: Well get your skates on old boy
Business Man: If I don't make office hours should we meet in the club?
Office worker: Not tonight, I have duties at home to perform, can't get out of them unfortunately.
Business man: sure thing, I'll be there.
Voice one: Feed Me
Voice two: Cure me
Voice three: Hear me
Voice four: Love me
Voice five: Free me
Voice six: Don't change me
Voice seven: See what you've done
Stage left: What if he doesn't like you?
Stage Right: what if he doesn't look like you thought he would
Stage left: He is going to hate what you are wearing
Stage Right: You should of had a longer shower
Stage left: he's right, you should of had a longer shower
Stage right: what is he going to say about you?
Stage left: he's not even going to stop. He'll walk right past you.
Man 1: I'm done.
Man 2: That was quick, what's the damage?
Man 1: well this one is for free
Man 2: Free?
Man 1: Didn't they tell you?
Man 2: I don't think so
Man 1: Yes, part of my community service
Terry: the moon is my favourite thing in the sky
Maddie: you what?
Terry: It is, look at it
Maddie: (Laughs historically) You're stupid. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Terry: Oh, look. It's gone in now. You've offended it.
Terry: Yes, you. You can't laugh at the moon. He doesn't like it.
John: I'm leaving. I can't work here any more.
Steve: Well good luck. Thank you for your hard work. It's the end of an era.
John: The end of an era? I never really thought of it like that
Steve: you'll be missed
John: I've changed my mind. I'd like to stay.
Steve: I've already accepted your request I'm afraid. You have 30 days left.
John: But what about my era?
Carl: I'm really enjoying this date
Alan: Me too, it's really nice meeting someone normal for a change.
Carl: So, I was going to ask, would you be okay paying me a bit of cash to suck my cock and that? I really need it right now.
Alan: What? No.
Carl: Not even five pounds?
Alan: I don't pay for sex.
Carl: I was only asking.
Oddie: I've only had two
Manny: Two barrels
Oddie: two units, who's counting?
Manny: I'm counting, you've had more than two
Oddie: how many?
Manny: How many? At least four
Oldie: See. It's you seeing double. Not me.
Upon a quandary
Joe: I've never been asked that before
Tom: I think that I need sometime to come up with an answer
Joe: I just can't work it out now
Tom: When we've double checked it, we will let to know
Joe: we want to be sure
Tom: We don't want to get it wrong
Joe: At this stage, it is about being precise, rather than rushing headlong into something.
Eye of the Beholder
Queen (male): Mirror, Mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest one of all?
Mirror (female): It's not you Queenie, your ankles are too thick, you have a hairy chin and you look like a brick
Queen: My mother said beauty lies within
Mirror: And even your insides are as black as Sin
Queen: I've worked hard to mend my ways, I haven't ordered an execution in one hundred days
Mirror: O Queen, forgive me. I had no idea, still the dungeon's full. I do find that queer.
Queen: Mirror, Mirror I don't care what you speak. You came from Ikea and your judgement is weak.